Scandal: “Where’s The Black Lady?” This and Other Questions

ABC

ABC

First, hi!

It’s been months since I’ve posted anything on Another TV Blog. Lately, I’ve been finding it hard to blog because I recently got a new job, moved to a new city, and bought a new shade of MAC lipstick. Changes are hard.

But I’ve found time for Olivia Pope and company, and last night’s episode of “Scandal” prompted some valid questions. And I haz answers—because I know everything:

ABC

ABC

Question: It’s the episode’s title, yes, but seriously, where’s the black lady (Olivia)?
Who’s asking: Gladiators. Also, the fabulous Marla Gibbs (pictured above with Baby Huck).
Answer: When the episode ended, the black lady was on a jet with Ian (!) heading to … well we don’t know where to yet. But we do know that a) she and Ian have come up with a plan to “sell” her to the highest bidder (which doesn’t sit well with my spirit, because slavery, but we won’t go there), and b) someone obviously provided Liv with some conditioner and a flat iron because her hair was on fleek.

Question: Who will be Olivia’s highest bidder?
Who’s asking: Those who are ready to make it rain in order to bring Liv back.
Answer: Papa Pope. He’s smart enough and gully enough to take on Vice President Nichols and his goons to make that happen—and he won’t even break a sweat.

Question: Speaking of Vice President Nichols, WTF?! Why did he stage a coup to take over the White House?
Who’s asking: Everyone who isn’t terrible.
Answer: Nichols probably forgot to drink his coffee one morning and shit just continued to go downhill from there.

Question: So does this mean that Fitz is now Nichols’ puppet?
Who’s asking: Gladiators who strongly dislike Fitz.
Answer: Not really. More like his bitch.

Question: Is it weird that I found Tom super hot in that orange jumpsuit? I mean, he is in jail for killing the president’s son and all, but still…
Who’s asking: Me (specifically, the very single side of me).
Answer: No it’s perfectly fine. #PrisonBae

best--scandal--quote-2

ABC

Question: Mellie used her good good to get what she wanted (Nichols’ cell phone to give to Huck and ‘em so that they can find Liv). Is this OK?
Who’s asking: Someone on Twitter, probably.
Answer: I have been known to flirt with Chipotle employees to get free burrito bowls. That is my answer.

Question: Has “Scandal” turned into the “Olivia Pope Show”? Why are we sooo focused on saving Liv and blah blah blah?
Who’s asking: Those who deserve all of my side eyes.
Answer: Uhh, it’s basically always been the “Olivia Pope Show.” I’ma need you to stop vacationing in Hatersville.

Here’s one question that still needs answering: Will Olivia be saved? Considering that Kerry Washington is the star of the show, I’m going to answer with this: Obviously.

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An Ode to David Rosen’s Hotness

During last Thursday’s “Scandal” episode, I tweeted this about the show’s character David Rosen, who’s played by Joshua Malina:

Source: Twitter.com/TiffanyElle

Source: twitter.com/TiffanyElle

Then this happened:

Source: twitter/joshmalina

Source: twitter/joshmalina

You know what this means, right? Yep, Joshua and I are basically married now. I knew he always wanted me.

OK, we’re not actually married because he’s married to someone else (sigh), and, you know, there are laws against polygamy and whatnot.

But David Rosen isn’t married. Yet. So for the sake of this post and my sanity, I’m going to pretend that David Rosen is a real person who is capable of real things, like marrying a certain TV blogger from Ohio. Let’s explore his hotness in GIFs, shall we?

Source: ABC, via thisimmediatefamily.tumblr.com

Yep, and you wear it oh so well.

Source: ABC, via http://funastrology.tumblr.com

He’s talking about me. Obviously.

Source: ABC, via ilikeubuturcrazy.tumblr.com

::faints::

Source: ABC, via Jezebel

I’m hoping “to stab” is a metaphor for “cuddling.”

Source: ABC, via stephaniesbookreviews.wordpress.com

NO.

Source: ABC, via scandalmoments.tumblr.com

That’s because we’re lovers.

Source: ABC, via Tumblr

Shut up, Liv. You are okay because David Rosen has blessed you with his presence.

Source: ABC, via MadameNoire.com

SWOON.

#DavidRosen4Eva

Shonda Rhimes: Queen of ABC

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Shonda Rhimes’ official titles—according to Wikipedia, because we all know everything there is real—are director, producer, and screenwriter. But  she really needs to be called queen or empress or duchess, because her royal highness has basically colonized all of ABC (well, ABC on Thursday nights). And her reign at ABC will continue for another four years as she recently inked an 8-figure deal with the network through 2018. Bow down, ye faithful minions.

So what’s on the royal menu Thursdays this fall on prime time ABC courtesy of Queen Shonda (wait, that sounds like a character in a fantasy book; lemme get on that …)?

First, there’s the Cristina Yang-less “Grey’s Anatomy” (note: Cristina’s last appearance is tonight and I’m not emotionally prepared for it). And Queen Shonda used her regal magic to shift “Grey’s” to 8 p.m. from 9 p.m.

Now, I haz (yes, haz) my issues with “Grey’s” and was kind of hoping that this season would be “it” since Cristina would no longer be a thing. Plus, I feel as if the series has run its course (the storyline this season with the three siblings with the same rare heart condition made me want to both cry and throw my remote at my TV on many occasions). But, nonetheless, as with the past five seasons or so, I will watch next season, for I am a loyal subject of that which is Queen Shonda.

Then, Queen Shonda chess-moved to bump her crown of glory “Scandal” up an hour to 9 p.m.—much to the delight of us Gladiators because now we can go to bed an hour earlier. Right?

Haha no.

The Queen pulled another move and was all like, “I have this other crazy show about sex and drama and more sex and more drama and you will love it because I am Queen Shonda, ruler of ABC.” Her majesty and the rest of the royal family (aka her production company Shondaland) has developed “How to Get Away With Murder”—a legal thriller starring Viola Davis in the lead (look at God!). Yes, it will air on ABC Thursdays. Yes, at 10 p.m. Yes, you will lose sleep because you will stay up and watch. Deal with it.

And of course, the Queen’s ultimate power move is in her four-year extension with ABC, which means more hypnotizing, heart-stopping, blood-pressure-raising TV. Queen Shonda is prospering like a bawse and I am here for all of it.

But why should Shonda be hailed as a queen, especially of ABC?

For one, the Queen’s shows are so diverse—racially and sexual orientation-ally (that’s a word, right?). America is changing, and Queen Shonda does an amazing job reflecting these changes in terms of showing a wide-away of characters without trying too hard. (Fun fact: Shonda held “blind auditions” for “Grey’s” by not giving any of the characters last names so that the casting director could have free rein over which actor/actress got what part. Clever girl—err, queen.)

Also, her majesty just knows how to tell a story. Yes, sometimes her storylines are so outlandish (see “Grey’s” and “Scandal” season 3) that you have the fighting urge to fly 3,000 miles to L.A. to hunt down Queen Shonda and tell her she is really doing the most with these series, but you eventually come back to your senses and watch the damn shows remembering that it’s just entertainment. Or is that just me? (It’s not. It’s you, too. Don’t lie.)

Finally, she should be hailed Queen of ABC because I say so.

As you can see, I am way too excited about Thursday nights on ABC this fall—and it’s only spring. All hail Queen Shonda.

The Case for ‘Mixology’

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Confession: I’ve been to many bars and clubs in my life. Even at the age of (actual age withheld), I still find myself droppin’ it like it’s hot (kids still say that, right?) and gettin’ slizzard (pretty sure they still say that) every now and then at some random place.

And many things have happened at said places: Getting hit on by men who are old enough to have most likely witnessed the Hindenburg disaster; overhearing someone on the dance floor arbitrarily shout, “I may be a white girl from the suburbs but I’ll cut a b!&%h!”; confiding to a friend over vodka cranberries that you used to date some guy—only to find out that she also dated that guy, then muting everything she says for the rest of the night because you keep daydreaming about throwing both him and her in front of a fast-moving steamroller; and so on.

But I can honestly say that the things I see Wednesday nights on ABC’s “Mixology” do not normally happen at bars. Probably.

And that’s one thing that makes the show amusing.

If you haven’t seen it, “Mixology” is a rom-com centered on the escapades of 10 people one night at a Manhattan bar. Each episode follows the first-time encounters of two (or three) characters. The final episode of the season (aka, the end of the night) will determine the outcome—who hooked up with whom, and who was left to swallow in a sea of perpetual singleness.

Basically, people at this bar are looking to get laid. Good stuff, right?

Unfortunately, the ratings for “Mixology” have not been so good. OK, they’ve been pretty bad, with no sign of a cult following. And reviews for the show have been mostly mixed (LOLOL pun intended).

But I’m captivated by the show—and unapologetic about it. So, despite dismal reviews and low ratings, here’s my case for “Mixology.”

Source: ABC

Source: ABC

It’s innovative and clever. It might not be the most original program, but it is intriguing and different from many TV shows currently airing on American television. I like how one full season takes place over one night instead of over weeks, months or even a year. (Yes, I’m aware that each season of 24 took place over a 24-hour period. But did Jack Bauer ever take a woman he met at a bar to a pizza place and tell her that if he could have sex with any food, it’d be pizza? Don’t think so.)

It’s funny. While some of the jokes in “Mixology” are sexist, those types of jokes, in my opinion (and my opinion only), can sometimes be funny, if done right—unlike what’s going on here. No, I don’t laugh at everything that’s said on the show, and there are times when I do a ceremonious eye roll at a line that’s supposed to be funny but in reality is not. But I do find myself laughing. A lot.

The characters are … interesting. I’m hesitant to say that the characters are likable (especially considering the red-headed fast-talking Bruce and everyone’s favorite frenemy Fab), but what they are is entertaining—even Cal, the stereotypical black friend (but seriously TV comedies, stop resorting to putting this type of character in things). They can, however, come off as typically two-dimensional (the women as brutal and bitter beings, the men hyper-sexed trolls) to viewers in the first episode. But after watching multiple episodes, you’ll find that the characters have more depth than you originally thought. Except for perhaps Kacey.

It’s not here to inspire or provoke intellectual conversations over a glass of pinot noir with your ivy-league contemporaries. The main thing I like about “Mixology” is, for many viewers, it’s doing one thing and one thing only: Entertaining. That’s it. It presents you with ridiculous situations with single bar-going 20-somethings who are looking for lust. Seriously, how much intellectuality should you expect from a show that’s written by the creators of The Hangover movies and co-executive produced by Ryan Seacrest? Really.

I get that people don’t find “Mixology” funny or amusing, but rather misogynistic and insufferable. Heck, I can’t even relate to most of its characters, and those situations on the show aren’t indicative of what actually happens in your average bar on a Friday or Saturday night (at least not in Ohio—probably). But there are times when I don’t want to think or overanalyze stuff, or worry about if I’m being offended. Sometimes, I just want to laugh and be entertained live vicariously through fictional characters’ hyperbolic circumstances. And “Mixology does that for me. Sorry, not sorry.

Having said that, with hope, the writers will find their groove with season 2 (though a second season is still up in the air) and create more likable characters, lay off the sexism, and come to a happy medium where both lovers and haters will find themselves laughing out loud.

Until then, someone go make me a vodka tonic … with a twist of lime.

What To Do On Thursdays Until Scandal Returns

Yesterday was a hard time for millions of TV watchers across America: No new episode of Scandal.

On December 20 of last year, I (and many others) became irritated when I discovered that I had to wait nearly two months for new episodes of Scandal to appear on my TV screen Thursdays at 10 pm. My reaction was pretty much this:

I Can't 2

I’m a Gladiator. No shame. No guilt. I loves me some Scandal. That’s why I insist on giving major side-eye to the idea that I have to wait until February 27 for the current season of Scandal to proceed.

Although new episodes are only 27 days away, I really have no clue what to do with my life on Thursdays up until that point. I have, however, devised a list to keep myself occupied.

If you’re like me and sick of patiently waiting for new episodes of Scandal to return, here are 10 things you can do on Thursdays until then:

1. Begin reading The Lord of the Rings trilogy then give up half way through the first book because Lord of the Rings trilogy.

2. Strive to think about baby dolphins as often as possible.

3. Cook a four-course meal on your niece’s/nephew’s Easy-Bake oven and pretend it’s delicious.

4. Memorize the first verse of Kendrick Lamar’s “m.A.A.d. city”, then recite it in the same manner as Kendrick to your grandparents.

5. Talk exactly like the main cast of Clueless for a full 24 hours or until a highly annoyed co-worker screams at you to STFU (whichever comes first).

6. Don’t annoy your co-workers (see #5).

7. Start a pointless White House petition.

8. Be Beyoncé. (Seriously, who’s gonna stop you?)

9. Take public transportation and stare intensely at the person sitting next to/across from you and try not to get punched in the face.

10. Write a heart-felt email to Idris Elba (or Ryan Gosling—your pick) and state your case as to why you and he should produce a love child. (But, you know, don’t sound stalker-ish or crazy or anything. Be reasonable and levelheaded.)

If none of these ideas work in your favor, you can always watch Scandal reruns and predict what will happen come February 27.

Or just ball up and weep in a corner on Thursdays until its return.

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